hi again! well, since the lasttime i wrote, i´ve been trying to get my boyfriend fixed.. but it just doesnt seem to work and i´m getting pretty tired of it, i dont think he really cares what happens to me and justhas me there for kissing or whatever,but its not fair on me so i´m going to show him the real me. i´ll explain the rest tomorrow... i´m just so sick of the way he treats me!!
Overstepping Bounds.... In relationships.
You know last night I was beyond heated.. after the news went off about attacks and he decided that he wanted to discuss gun control issues. For the 14th million time... I decided when the conversation was first brought up that I did not want to debate this with him. Partially because I get tired of hearing it.. and secondly he thinks he is all knowing on this subject and I dont think there is much that can bruise his ego. So I told him.. that I didnt want to discuss it.. but he kept going with the subject. Then.. when i decided to state that peeople in attack situations... "do not shoot to kill.. they shoot to disarm.. or stop the attacker" in my mind the killing of the individual that would attack me is just cause and effect. He attacked me.. i shot him.. the dying was just part of it.
So... where did I overstep my bounds.. ?
Well as he brudishly informed me in a very aggressive shout in my direction.. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!!!" my jaw dropped... and I blinked. Was I being diciplined like a three year old who goes to touch a fire? All I know from that moment.. the conversation was over. I had asked him.. not to yell at me... previous when he did so in a threatening tone. I left the room.. for fear that Id go into the rage that I am all too familiar with. I didnt want to do anything that Id regret.. and didnt want him to further add to the flames and have him do something stupid.
So.. Im in the room crying... I calm down relatively quick this time..
I go back in the room.. and ask him.. "what part of.. I didnt want to have this conversation did you not respect.. or hear." Two strong minded individuals.. one who could care less on the subject and one who feels he needs to whisper his opinions in everyones ear just so that they would listen. He states that what I am telling him was wrong.. and that he was mad because I was telling him stuff that I couldnt speak on. (What kind of crap is that?) he represents the minority of people that are actually trained to use a gun.. and the even smaller minority of people that have been trained by the military.) I on the other hand.. am the john and jane doe's oout there.. the other 7billion of our population.. yet my opinion is invalid. Even though he solicited it when he wouldnt shut up about the issue. Be careful what you wish for.. isnt that how the adage goes? The fact was though he further made a donkeys ass of himself when he stated that .. I had "overstepped my bounds!?" Im sorry.. what kind of bounds are those? Would that be the bounds of me as a woman.. having an opinion... my bounds as his woman, a card carrying opinionator? Lets think about in the past where this phrase has been made.. being that this is black history month I only fnd this appropriate: Rosa Parks overstepped her bounds when she decided that she would not give up her seat. Martin Luther King overstepped his bounds when he decided that we should all be able to live in harmony (they even shot him for it). Brown.. in Brown Vs Board of education overstepped his bounds when he decided that they should recieve the same education as caucasians. The government overstepped thier bounds when censorship was an issue and gambling was deemed illegal. Its been said that Kanye West overstepped his bounds when he spoke out about how he felt about Bush. What do all these situations have in common... the person who stated that the bounds were overstepped are all the ones who had no business doing what they were doing to begin with. So lets just make it clear here and now.. that In overstepping of bounds.. this would only work in a totalitarianist society. Or maybe when in conversation with a facist... now that I think about it he was definately acting like a facist. I always told him that he doesent know how to talk to people.. he treats people like he is supreme beings and they are idiots. Ive only been on the observation end of this behavior until now... I dont plan on being subject to this behavior if it continues. He told me that I disrespect and hurt his feelings sometimes as well.. which is odd because he never seems to say anything. Then he said.. they are my feelings.. if i dont want to tell you then I wont tell you. I mean.. im no dr. phil.. but I was raised to let the people I love know I love them... and the people that hurt me know that they did so.. and that it will not be tolerated. He hurt me.. cut deep... down to my soul.. he rations out his emotions. Rations out his feelings.. and Im not even privy to how he feels. And even then so... he felt no remorse or empathy for how this effected me. That night I told him why.. i hated people shouting at me. Did he even reassure me that it was okay... or apoligize for his outrageous behavior. No, he stood his pompous ground. I dont know if him bringing me tissues.. or something to drink.. was his way of saying sorry.. i dont even want to analyze that situation. Because I shouldnt have to.. It pains me to think that I ever inflict hurt or create disdain with anyone. But thats the difference between he and I.. I personally feel. Ive been through enough.... and Karma is a B!
All I want to do.. is love him.. and be loved. Why must that be so hard? I work so hard to treat people the way I like to be treated and all they do is piss down my back and then attempt to tell me that its raining... IM NOT BUYING IT!
Simplicity.. I require simplicity... RESPECT and Honesty... wow.. now i sound like Aretha! Its funny how the same people we love for one thing.. are the same people that we hate for others. I hate that he cant identify.. and remotely empathize with what im going through. Its like.. hes looking at me.. like cry.. go ahead cry.. get it out of your system. And if he does.. he has a heck of a way of showing it.. funny that it makes me cry even at work thinkin about this who scene...
I love him.. he hurt me.
But as ol' dude would say on 103jamz... "WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT? "- Otis.
A Bullet-proof Vest
Leo started reading newspapers in 2008. Yesterday, he found a report about the campus shooting in US from Shanghai Daily. He seems to understand about how does quantitative change lead to quality change due to his statistical heritage from his mother, after counting the number of casualties in recent years, he stood up and said to me seriously, “ Mom, please buy me a bullet-proof vest if you want me to study in US.” The childish words seem not that unreasonable, kids in his generation do not have sense of security especially after September 11.
When I was in Grade 5, a psychopath boy in my class threw a fist sized rock from other side of the building and hit right on my forehead while I was playing during the break, my fellow pupil walked me to the army hospital for some basic treatments. I still have a big scar on my skull which is a mile stone of my teenage school life.
It’s quite peculiar that I said good bye to my day dreaming time in School after that and my brain worked remarkably well since and I never had any difficulty in math study and I won many math competitions in No. 6 Middle School. After I gone through this horrible blood shedding event, I was never scared and never worried about my life security.
Today’s world is different; the poor little kids born 1990 onward have to wear a bullet-proof vest in their mind.
Ok well let me see what to talk about today. Well one exciting thing to me that is...not sure what other people might think....I got a new laptop!!! Yay! I've been wanting one for a while so yeah, I'm super cite about getting it. I'm on it right now. It's so much conveient I think than having to stay in one spot with the desktop. My sister is paying half and I'm paying the other half with my income. She said that she was planning on getting me one for a late X-mas present, she already had got me a keyboard so I would have been content with just that. But anyways, yeah, I like it. My only problem so far would have to be that the computer is a Vista and my webcam doesn't work with it!!! What kind of crap is that? I think that sucks but oh well. I was even thinking about downgrading it but my sister is like no, just buy you a webcam...I don't know if I want to though. I mean, I don't think it's that bad but omg, the way it loads up is horrible. I takes a minute or two...I read somewhere that all Vista's are like that. For a second I was just thinking that it was my laptop being slow because it's an HP. I don't care for HP's....my sisters ex had one it and it was horrible...and then my aunt too...both were bad. So yeah, I thought about choosing another laptop than this one but then decdied against it. Oh well...I still like it and I'm so happy that I got it. I love typing on it, lol. So maybe y'all can expect to get more little entry's from me. Let me see what else to talk about...umm, oh, well today was my day off but I went into work to help that girl who I think doesn't work that great...like she's lazy. Anyways, I was sort of like, ugh, maybe I shouldn't go because I know how she is but decided to be nice and go in...that was a mistake. She didn't hardly do anything when I was there working with her...it was horrible.I hope I don't have to work with just her...it's sooooo annoying when she doesn't do much. It's like, ARE YOU SERIOUS??? And other people know it too how she is but I'm just trying to bite my tounge...for the time being. Anyways, yeah, I'm getting sleepy so I'm just gonna bring this to an end...later!!!1
wow it worked didnt loose a word how cool is that huh......i am pretty much only using this sight for practise....they say real writers practise writing..no matter what they write so i babble along and write after this in my lil asus comp and it soooooooo works for me....my fingers fly over the keys on my lil baby asus.....its 6.18 right at this minute...and i am not sure what to write about...i dont want to write about people...so lets try wrting about my dogs..i have 3 of themright now..the oldest who is almost 13 is an sharpard and her name is elmo....then i have bentley..he is a little bugger that i couldnt leave in the mall when i saw him...he put his little paw up to my hand and ever since we give eachother high fives all the time.....then i thought he got lonely and should have a girlfriend so i found hannah, a liitle smarty pants pom.... she is the tiniest and funniest creature of all and she's the boss of the other 2....then i have a cat her name is kamikazi but i call her kazie cat....and she is a big fat cat....if she wanted to she could kill the 2 lil dogs in one attack..she's too kind and would never,.....well i hope she would never take revenge at the little dogs...and god knows they tease the shit out of her...but i think she likes the attention....she also like the watertab in my bathroom....im talking to a friend on msn gotta go for now love Dangles
I'm trying to get a new lease/perspective on my life. I have felt so negative about everything lately. Not just lately the past several months. I've blamed most of it on my work, because I can't stand the company I work for and am beginning to hate my job as well. Then of course everything trickles over into my family life and I becaome negative with them as well.I'm trying to figure out how to get myself out of this. And what I need to do to change,
What of the things I realized the other night when I was yelling at my kids is that I need a life.I don't mean I want a different Life, I just need to find a balance in my life. Everything I do is for my family (of course including me) but it seems that I'm the last one I think about. I know that this is part of being a mother and accept that, but I think, no I know I could do a better job if I could find a way to balance things that I need for me as well as for my family. I just have to figure out how do to this.
2/16/08
I am now back in Virginia but only to visit friends and family. I really want to move back here but i dont want to leave my boyfriend Patrick in New York. I love him sooo FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!! I would do anything for Patrick just because i love him sooo much and i would die for him. my day was okay but Chris came over to jonathon's house and OMG did drama start. At first my day was starting out awsome until chris came over and didnt go home until 9:30 ugh!!! He was getting sooo FUCKING ANNOYING!!!! I really miss Patrick i just want to run up to him and makeout with him while i am hugging him and i would never let go lol. I miss him sooo much!!!! Now im waiting for him to get back on aim so i can talk to him because he doesnt have a cell phone and i dint really know his house phone either. i know that with me being his girlfriend and all that i should at least remember his number by heart but i dont and feel bad about that and just between u and me i dont even know his last name. i feel so ashamed!!! i am so freaking tired so im going to bed. peace out!!!!
SceneTrashStar
I'm taking a little bit of advice from some unknown friends. I got tickets to one of my favorite music groups for March 15th. I'm going all by myself. I think this is the first thing I've been even a little happy about in a long, long time. I'm on the floor, 14th row. I actually didn't spend a fortune on the ticket either. I like Newsboys a lot. I like Rush of Fools too and they're coming with them. I'm finally doing something for me.
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aGiftFromAbov 41, Female, Virginia, USA - 25 entries
